whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
These tits shall not be calmed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
