hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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