soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
