The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sarcasm needs its own font
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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