very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
