I looked at my own cervix.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
