On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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