dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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