imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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