I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
