I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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