When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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