This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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