That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
