The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
