I wish I could punch you in the face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
