Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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