turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
