somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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