Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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