you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
