Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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