If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
