I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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