Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
