I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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