just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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