I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
