so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
