one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
