did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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