You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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