i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
