I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
