I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
