I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
