Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
