i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
