Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
