guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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