3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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