I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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