you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize