I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
