i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
BRING THE BAGELS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
