So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
