dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
