My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
