im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize