as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
