I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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