he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
