we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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