I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
