I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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