mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
