yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
