Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize