Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
