oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize