I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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