i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
