I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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