Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
