i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ttyl tear gas
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
