i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
