It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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