i think my mom watched the whole time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't notice because vodka
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
