so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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