Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
