my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
