I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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