I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
