I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
