Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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