dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
