Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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