Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
