i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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