A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize