I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
