My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
