You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
