We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
