I'm going to jail i love you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
