how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
