i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
