i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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