you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
