Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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