from now on my penis is your penis
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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