Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
