She's JV to your varsity
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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