it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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