i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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