I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
