im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
