Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize