Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
