you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
