I can text with my tongue
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
