just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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