her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
