I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
