dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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