Having a random hookup so left but love u
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
