they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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