You made me cry and you don't even care
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
