I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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