My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
