so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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