Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
