I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
